Saturday, March 30, 2013

Attila King by John Edward Lawson

Attila the Hun was sent to the grimy, smoky future: the 1990s. The mighty warrior king had not come to conquer. Instead, he sought only to observe the United States Postal Service in action. He hoped to bring great renown to his people by instituting an efficient parcel system of his own.
    “What wonders the future holds…such technology! Such advances! Primary care physicians and dentists under separate health plans!” He clucked his tongue in astonishment. “My land will benefit greatly from future knowledge.”
    While strolling the gritty pavement of Los Angeles, Attila was approached by five pale skinned police officers. “Excuse me sir,” the lead officer said. “Do you mind if we examine your clothes?”
    Attila's Mongolian ears did not comprehend; he wouldn't have let them inspect his furs and leathers regardless.
    Suspecting the furs to be from endangered species the officers grabbed him. “Do you have any sharp objects in your pockets, sir?” Two more police joined them.
    Attila offered the foreign dogs some choice archaic Mongolian profanity. After finding two concealed daggers on him they proceeded to give him the Rodney King treatment. Or, it would have been the Rodney King treatment, except…
    In ancient Mongolia Rodney was busy introducing polyester and margaritas to the nomadic warriors, profiting greatly from his knowledge of the future.


John Edward Lawson has published nine books, seven chapbooks, and over five hundred works in anthologies, magazines, and literary journals worldwide. He is a winner of the Fiction International Emerging Writers Competition, and has been a finalist for the Stoker Award and Wonderland Award. Other nominations include the Dwarf Stars Award, the Pushcart Prize, and the Rhysling Award. As a freelance editor he worked for Raw Dog Screaming Press, Double Dragon Publishing, and National Lampoon, has edited seven anthologies, and served as editor-in-chief for The Dream People. Recently he became a columnist at IMJ, covering events in the publishing industry.

Attila King originally published by Bust Down the Doors and Eat All the Chickens.
Copyright John Edward Lawson

Artwork by Carlo Carra

1 comment:

Madeleine Swann said...

That made me do a chuckle John