Thursday, March 14, 2013

The Seaman by Darrin Naill

When the only thing one has to fend off a swarm of moths is an arm broken off a lawn jockey (sans hanging lamp), it is best to swing fast and wide and round. Up and down motions usually end making a knot on the forehead (which is precisely what happened). The glancing blow causes staggering, which in turn allows the moths entrance into the small closet where, over time, a few of the items hanging in said closet will be damaged. Living in the closet, hunting down the dozen or so moths is the task of a mad-man. So, with water bottles and Chex mix in hand, the hunkering down began.

Not knowing what attracts moths (aside from the clothes already hanging in the closet), it is best to sit still and breathe little, match and candles in hand, and wait for the fluttering. And then it's simply a matter of match/candle/moth...poof!

If the telephone rings, it is not a good idea to panic, strike a match to see how to get out of the closet, inadvertently igniting a spilled oil lamp that was clumsily knocked over by the homeowner. It is also not a good idea to climb into the window of a dark brick rancher, chasing the moths that were to blame for ruining the old wool coat of the sailor admired by many (or perhaps just one) who died just a week before when a yard jockey fell upon his head while the sailor was bathing.

Also, do not try to fight fire with clothing. Naked, charred remains will be all that will be left.


Darrin Naill. 70s born, father of 3, husband of 1. Eater of meats and cheeses. Hunter and Fisher; general killer. College degreed, yet employed at a bargain. Acquainted severally, friended fewly. Bourbon.

Copyright Darrin Naill
Artwork Leonora Carrington

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