Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Movie Review: Sherlock Holmes is Going to Beat You Up

You thought you just had to look out for Gov. Schwartzenegger? Now Sherlock Holmes (Morton Downey, Jr.) is also coming to beat the stuffing out of you.  He wants to split your seams with his steampunk/New Victoriana menace.

All in all, not a bad film especially when you consider that director Guy Ritchie has allowed his wiener to touch Madonna.  For some reason, Algernon Blackwood finds himself to be a villain bent on turning the world black with magic in this strange adaptation. Keep in mind, I was on heavy doses of vitamins when I saw this film, and a young street urchin stole all my notes, but I’m pretty sure that I remember Jane Adams playing Mata Hari.  Judith Light turns in the performance of a “light-time” as Prof. Watson, the elementary school teacher that Holmes is clearly in love with, but it is the kind of love that Guy Ritchie feels for his adaptation of this classic tale, not the kind of love you should feel for your teacher.

(Originally posted like a million years ago on

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