Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Invitation to KonrathCon.

Once upon a time there was a little boy named Jon Konrath (Konnie to his friends) who wrote a story called The Long John Silver Locust Abortion Technician, or something like that, a story that was featured on the Strange Edge back in February.  Now, this story has metastasized  into a short story collection called Thunderbird, which you can buy over at Amazon. I suspect it's mostly about classic muscle cars.

I met Konnie back in the last days of the most recent incarnation of The New Absurdist. His stories made me think of Thompson, Burroughs and Bukowski at their most snide and absurd, fighting over cocktail peanuts. You should probably check out this book, or perhaps Sleep Has No Master. 

If I remember correctly, Konnie looks a bit like this, with a freakishly small face. But we were in a funhouse when we met, so who knows.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Father's Day Spectacular Featuring Vince Kramer

Vince Kramer wrote a poem. Here it is!

I wrote a poem
It is the best poem ever
I am going to read it out loud to you

Hey look at me
I’m up on stage reading a poem
I’m a big fucking faggot

I wrote a poem once when I was little
I read it to my dad
He punched me in the face

In college my writing teacher made us write a poem
I wrote him a note that said
“Go fuck yourself”

But that was very wrong
Because I should’ve wrote
“Go kill yourself”

And maybe he would have

Anybody who likes poetry is gay
I mean, I’m gay
But you’re way gayer than I am

Oh look, the sky is blue
Now it’s not
You’re a faggot

Stephen King should be killed


Vince Kramer is about seven feet tall and at least a thousand years old.  He has roamed the Earth since the Viking days, biting the people he encounters. If one is bitten by a Vince Kramer, he turns into a Vince Kramer. When two Vince Kramer's encounter one another, they fuck to the death, until the weaker dies of blood loss. He also suffers from alien
smile syndrome.

Copyright 2013 Vince Kramer